"If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens if you strap toast on the back of a cat and drop it?" -- Stephen Wright

How to be Smarter: Don’t date people that make a huge mess at the sugar/milk station at Starbucks and don’t clean it up themselves. People that make huge messes and expect someone else to clean it up, both at sugar/milk stations and in life, are to be avoided. How to be Prettier: Polka dots + Poodles + Sale Price = Best Light Fixture Ever.

How to be (less) Awkward: Email annoyances to try to avoid.