"I don't exercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor" -- Joan Rivers

How to be Smarter: I'm always looking for ways to sneak more water into my diet. I like this tip from this site (which lists 19 more ways to sneak water into your diet): "Add drinking two glasses of water to your daily skincare regimen. Drink, cleanse, moisturize, etc., then drink again." How to be Prettier: This is the dress I see myself wearing on a third date in the middle of May, or at a friend's birthday cookout on the patio in the middle of September. It says: I am not fussy, but I am detailed, understated glamorous.

How to be (less) Awkward: If you use up the end of the toilet paper roll, you replace it. You're an adult. Handle it.