"You need that guy like a giraffe needs strep throat" -- Ann Landers

How to be Smarter: Some people will stop loving you; some people will never start. Most will waver somewhere in the middle. At the end of the day, how you perceive that they feel might be more important than anything else. How to be Prettier: Never cut your cuticles.

How to be (less) Awkward: You rarely get what you want when you yell at a customer service person; you rarely get what you want when you yell at a boy.