"From the time I was a kid, I always knew something was going to happen to me. Didn't know exactly what" -- Elvis Presley

How to be Smarter: Just because something is a scam (a job, a relationship, an overpriced online no-credit class, a Craigslist erotic service ad) doesn't mean you won't learn something from doing it. Disclaimer: I'm kidding about the Craiglist.  How to be Prettier: I own this dress in three colors: basic black, which I wear with heels on Friday nights; sea blue, which I wear with a cardigan and flats for Saturday afternoons; and nude, for when I'm tan in the summer.

How to be (less) Awkward: There are two ways to be quiet. One, in the way that makes you seem mysterious, and two, the way that makes you seem creepy. Play the game the way that makes you seem mysterious.