"Life is a banquet, and most poor fools are starving to death" -- Auntie Mame, "Mame"

How to be Smarter: Phone calls asking for second chances have to happen during daylight hours. A phone call at 3am asking for a second chance should be ignored; a phone call at 3pm should be paid attention to.  How to be Prettier: Tighten your stomach as you spray bronzer on it; this will create a contouring illusion of a six pack (source: UsWeekly). 

How to be (less) Awkward: If something is important to you, you best keep your eye on it: you can't be mad when the pizza is gone if you left the pizza in the back seat with the hungry kids.