“I am so clever that sometimes I don't understand a single word of what I am saying” -- Oscar Wilde

How to be Smarter: Nothing bad will happen if you go an extra day or two (or three) between manicures. The amount of people that notice is small; the amount of people that care is even smaller.  How to be Prettier: Try to avoid getting any ideas for your next meal from this site

How to be (less) Awkward: Umbrellas must be in proportion to your body. If you are a small person, you don't need an umbrella to shelter you and half the block. Not only is it a safety hazard (poking out others' eyes), but navigating crowded sidewalks is annoying for both you, and the aforementioned others.