“You are the weakest link. Goodbye” -- Anne Robinson

How to be Smarter: You don’t have to be successful to be interesting, but in order to be successful, you must be interesting.
How to be Prettier: Break up with white bread; start dating multigrain.

How to be (less) Awkward: No one is important enough to send an email that is entirely in caps. And if you want to get to the point where you are important enough to send that email, you won't get there writing in caps.