“I have too many fantasies to be a housewife.... I guess I am a fantasy” -– Marilyn Monroe

How to be Smarter: Stop using the word “deserve.” “She didn’t deserve that;” “I deserve to have a nice boyfriend,” “We deserve to win.” Saying you know who deserves something only implies judging and then making a decision on that judging. 90 percent of the time, judging makes you look insanely ignorant.

How to be Prettier: I was appalled at the calories in my daily drink. I’m cutting back immediately. http://www.starbucks.com/retail/nutrition_beverages.asp

How to be (less) Awkward: Don’t lie over stupid things that don’t mean anything; lying over stupid lies makes you look even stupider when you get caught.

Case in point: Today, the cute coffee shop worker asked me what I was listening to. Instead of being honest and saying Britney Spears, I tried to look cool and say the Talking Heads. This only became more awkward when he asked me what song and I replied “um…I can’t remember.” THE HEADPHONES WERE STILL ON MY EARS.