"A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five" -- Groucho Marx

How to be Smarter: Write with a pencil. A pencil makes people think of mathematicians, scientists, brilliant geniuses. Be included in that category.

How to be Prettier: The simplest, most effective beauty rule: wash your face before bed, even if you are so tired you have to bring a chair to the sink with you.
How to be (less) Awkward: No one ever got broken up with for being "too funny." No one ever stops being some one's friend because they are "too much fun." Better to be silly than boring.