"Somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. It said, "Parking Fine" -- Tommy Cooper

How to be Smarter: People always listen the most when the quiet person in the back of the room speaks up. If you want to be listened to more, shut up more. Instead of voicing your opinion about ten items you only moderately care about, save it for the two items you have strong feelings or are passionate about. The less you talk the more valued your ideas will be when you actually do.

How to be Prettier: To prevent and cure dry lips, Eucerin works. Slather it on every night. Go to cvs.com and type in "Eucerin Plus Intensive Repair Lotion." A bottle will last you six months.

How to be (less) Awkward: Everyone knows you are not checking the Hong Kong markets on your BlackBerry; everyone knows you are texting your mom to tell her to make you a dentist appointment. Stop walking and texting unless you are having a life crisis.