"...But the seed never explains the flower" -- Edith Hamilton

How to be Smarter: Care about the environment. Switch to paperless billing for your credit cards and bank accounts--its more convenient and saves paper.

How to be Prettier: Throw out mascara after three months. It clumps, doesn't work as well, and can lead to eye infections. 
How to be less Awkward: If you absolutely must criticize the waiter's service, which I strongly suggest you don't because it can come off as class snobbery and very Debbie Downer, wait until you get out of the restaurant. No exceptions.