"If you're so smart, how come you ain't rich?" -- American Saying

How to be Smarter: Don't be dumb with money. Live off your salary, not your bonus. 

How to be Prettier: When applying under eye concealer, tilt your head downward while looking in the mirror. The shadows will make under eye circles become more visible, so you can cover them better. 
How to be less Awkward: No sneezing in church. When you feel like you have to sneeze, do two things immediately: 1) put your pointer finger on your upper lip, parallel to it; and 2) think of a white cow on a black background. You will no longer have to sneeze if you do these two things in tandem.